Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Life in the eyes of...

the past 2 yrs have been a struggle from the passing of my dad, at only 56 yrs of age August 2011, to the Passing of my mom at only 54 yrs of age in Sept of 2012. I have had my good days, and my bad as anyone who struggles with the loss of a loved one. I am okay. I go through life, I smile, I laugh, I cry.  It took me a year to cope with the loss of my dad. I went on with life, took care of my littles who I home-schooled and was so busy I didn't really have the time to cope, so I shoved my feelings in a tiny little spot in my heart and moved on. While it seemingly made it easier to cope and perhaps people respected me more then, I realize now it was not healthy. Then in September my Mother, best friend, confidant died of terminal Cancer. This was and still is much harder for me. She and I were  close. she was the one and only I felt truly understood me, and now she is gone. While some are very supportive, some seem to think I should just move on and seem to think coping months later, means  that there is something wrong with me.  This simply is not true.. it is called  COPING. it is NORMAL. :)  while I realize people care and are just concerned... it bothers me when people seemingly expect me to just up and be over it months after it occurred. And bottling up my feelings are not healthy either.  Yes I suppose I need to look at life at an Eternal prospective of things, but whether you have a knowledge of the Gospel, and Eternal life or not, it is still hard. you may know they are up in Heaven rejoicing, dancing, and happy (which I know they are) but that doesn't change you missing them.  Mom and dad are no longer there to guide you, help you, and listen to you when you need them. They are no longer there to be your friend, to watch the grandkids grow up... to be there at special life events like the bringing of a child into this world,etc... at least physically. Sure they may be there in spirit but in no way is that the same and not seeing them and knowing they are there right at that very moment still makes you miss them.  Yes, I will move on... AM moving on. life will go on but it will be step by step. I will cope, life will get easier... but it will be in my own time. Not others time.It is normal to miss them. It is normal to be sad at times. I do not let it get in the way of my responsibilities. I still am happy more often than not. I have beautiful children that light up my world and bring my heart joy. But there are still times, and probably forever will be times when something reminds me of mom or dad, and for a few moments... I am sad, and miss them. all normal.

1 comment:

  1. Hugs. I can't imagine losing my parents yet, but I understand it isn't something you just get over.